Trigger warning for anyone who has ever been hospitalized for mental illness.
Around Mother's Day 2018, in spite of the company gaining momentum, my mental health was dwindling and I didn’t see a way around it. I was hiding the spiral down from the world, from my loved ones, out of shame—and about 3 months later, I ended up in the hospital because I couldn’t take it anymore. As I told ER staff that day, I felt hopeless.
I spent the next few days as an inpatient getting stabilized to a point where doctors and my family felt comfortable I wouldn't do anything to harm myself. It was brief but changed my life forever. This all happened a week before my 30th birthday. A memorable celebration...
Fast forward. This past Mother's Day, M2M Gifts sold out of its Month of Mama box, I was able to treat my Mom and daughter to a weekend in our favorite downtown Chicago hotel, I've never felt healthier, and I don’t even know where I’m going to start in answering organizations who have reached out wanting to stock our boxes or partner with us in some way. I’m grateful for it all.
I share this in case there is anyone reading, who like I was, is ashamed of being ANYTHING less than perfect, or is suffering in silence from something they’re afraid to admit, or just needs to hear that there is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust in God, whatever form that is to you. I used to resist prayer but now there is no way I ever will again. Tap into community and support. There's no gold star for coming out of adversity on your own. As this past year has taught me, the only way out is through and accepting help along the way makes you strong, not weak.
So to those currently in a dark spot like I was, keep focusing on that little crack of light showing through the bottom of the door. I used to visualize this during some of my most difficult moments. I would envision that little light illuminating a small area of whatever room I was in and tell myself that as long as I could still see that light, the door could still open. That on the other side of the door was everything I deserved but it was going to be a journey to get there.
You're not alone in your pain and strife, even though it feels like it, and whatever you’re going through is temporary. All good things are just waiting for you to reach them. God gives life’s hardest battles to Earth’s toughest soldiers because you can handle them. And you will.